Making Sense of the Hard Stuff

 As we have faced the challenges in our lives and walked with many friends and family members facing great challenges as well I have wrestled with my faith.  I have asked God why He allows so much heartache to touch His people.  I have struggled with making sense of the reality that for a time God has given Satan dominion of this world and as a result of sin and the resulting battles in the heavenly realm we see all around us great heartbreak and brokenness.  I used to ask why God would allow so much tragedy in life; why He would allow human trafficking, slavery, child abuse, 27 million children to live without fathers, autism, cancer, MS, cerebral palsy, deafness, and the list goes on and on and on. 

The reality is that we live in a fallen world and as a result of sin entering this world there is brokenness in every area of life.  This was not God’s original design for our world.  As He created the world and everything it He said over and over again, “It is good.”  But He did create Adam and Eve with the choice to follow Him or follow their own way – free will.  The serpent came in and convincingly deceived them into thinking that God was holding out on them and they reached and took more than God had designed them to take.  As a result of their choice to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil the whole of creation has been subjected to sin and death.  We see the results of this sin not only among humans but among all of God’s creation.  But this was not God’s original design and one day when He returns and creates a new heaven and new earth we will see the world restored to its full glory and original design. 

I have come to a place of seeing the challenges and tragedies of life as primarily attacks of our enemy.  In 1 Peter 5:8 it says “Be alert and of sober mind.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”  Just as God has desires for our life – to show us His great love for us and give us a future and a hope, so also the devil has desires for our life as well – he desires to kill, steal and destroy.  Recently God has revealed to me more and more the attacks of the enemy in my life.  As we walk with God and press into His heart of love for us and attempt to walk out in obedience the calling He’s revealed to us I believe the enemy gets pretty ticked off and often it is in these times, when we are following God that the most fierce attacks of the enemy come.  And yet we know that God’s Spirit within us has dominion over the attacks of the enemy. 

God grieves with us as we face the heartaches of life and desires to comfort us with His deep love, mercy, grace and compassion.  He desires relationship with us and as result allowed for us to make the choice to sin.  I am learning to trust His heart of love toward me and stop blaming Him for the heartaches of life that are a result of sin in our world.  Some people have said to me that God made Seth “this way”, – with autism.  I know these people are well-meaning and are trying to see all things as gifts from God, but I don’t believe this to be true.  Autism is the work of the enemy to steal my child’s abundant life.  Autism is not of God, autism is a result of the broken world we live in.  In the garden before sin entered the world there would not have been children with autism, deafness, cancer, cerebral palsy or any other illness.  Illness is a result of the fall.  There will not be any of these illnesses in heaven, God will heal my boys completely and oh what an amazing day that will be to see them made whole. 

As a walk through this broken world I hold onto the hope of complete restoration through my amazing Lord and Savior.  I believe that one day He will set all things right.  In the meantime I see His hand of redemption at work all around me.  What the enemy means for evil in our lives as Joseph told his brothers at the end of Genesis, God meant for good.  God takes that which the enemy thought was going to destroy us and uses it to bring glory to His name.  I would love to have completely healthy children and yet I wouldn’t trade the growth God has brought in my life or the relationships God has given me with others who are also struggling and the opportunities to minister hope to the hurting.  Our God is redeeming the brokenness of this day by day and showing His great love to many as redemption does its healing work. 

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”  Genesis 50:20

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.”  Hebrews 10:23

Fellow Captives in the Journey

We were not meant to walk the journey of life on our own.  God did not design us to be lone rangers, trudging through the challenges and rejoicing in the joys of life all by ourselves.  He designed us to live in community.  To be engaged with family, both biological and spiritual.  This is a great challenge in our individualistic culture.  We are inundated with messages from our society that we can do it all ourselves and yet this is not how God planned for us to live.  I don’t like to ask for help, even when I need it, how about you?  Asking for help makes me feel weak and incapable of handling things in my life.  Maybe this is where God wants us to live, feeling weak and calling out for His help.  A major instrument of God’s help in this world is to be His Church.  The body of Christ is to love one another; this is to be one of our primary witnesses to this world.  In speaking to His disciples regarding his departure following the resurrection Jesus said:

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.  By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

John 13:34-35 (NASB)

How well are we doing at loving one another?  Are we honest enough about the shortcomings in our own lives to let others in the body of Christ show love to us?  I know I fall short in this area so often.  I put on the mask and act like I’m fine, when I really need the love and help of others around me.  And I don’t often enough look closely to see the needs that others have and take the time to reach out and show God’s love to my fellow brothers and sisters.  If we can’t love each other within the church how can we expect to begin to love those who don’t yet know Christ?

Through my journey of exile over the past 14 years I have been so blessed to have many fellow captives to walk the road with; brothers and sisters in Christ who are struggling to serve the Lord in gladness in the midst of life’s trials.  God has placed committed friends in my life who have shown His love to me.  I have been blessed to have several close friends who also have children with disabilities.  These friends really get it because they are walking a similar road.  These friends have been a wonderful support and encouragement to me.  I can talk with them about my fears and concerns without feeling that I am dumping a huge emotional load on them; without feeling that they think I’m crazy or extremely negative.  They know the same fears and struggle as I do in regard to what the future holds for our children.  I’ve also been blessed with many friends who have the wonderful gift of empathy.  They can truly sense the burden that I carry and then reach out and do what they can to lift that burden.  This is a gift that not all possess, but God has blessed me with many friends who have an amazing ability to put themselves in my shoes and really see what I need to keep running the race God has set before me.

Building friendships and being honest with others about my shortcomings and needs has been a vital part of my walk through exile.  Sometimes it seems like it would easier to just keep to myself and not share honestly about what is confronting me, but when I open up and really share my burdens with others those burdens become lighter.  The very act of speaking your concerns and deepest fears out, sharing those with another follower of Christ can be the beginning of letting go and allowing God to carry your burdens.  God uses His people to carry one another’s burdens, to come alongside and lighten the load through lifting one another up in prayer and offering real help to one another.

As I came to the depths of the valleys in this journey, and genuinely questioned my ability to continue to walk through the challenges before me; these people of God have been there to hold me up both physically and spiritually.  When I have been on the verge of giving up on life and my faith, God has brought His people to my side; to lift me up in prayer and carry me through to the other side.

In the midst of the deep valleys God has surrounded me with his children standing in the foothills and on the mountain tops, calling and praying me out of the valley.  I am so grateful for God’s people.  They are a beacon to me in the midst of the dark storm.  Their prayers carry my family through times when we are on the edge of utter despair, but God is faithful to answer the prayers of His people and does not let us lose hope.  Ultimately I have not given up on my faith in God because of my godly family and friends.  I praise God for His provision to me in this way!

 

Children From Hard Places

From the outside looking in, it might seem that our family already dealing with two special needs kiddos would not be a great candidate to take on foster care.  But we have come to believe that the special needs of our biological children and our journey to care for them has uniquely equipped us to foster.  Our notion of the perfect little American family life was already blown.  Our family looks different, okay let’s just be honest we look kind of weird at times with our son with hardware sticking magnetically to the side of his head and our squawking pterodactyl boy who spins and flaps his arms and pounds on things when he gets frustrated.  Welcoming children into our family who may have challenges with behavior didn’t seem as overwhelming to us because we are used to dealing with difficult behaviors already.

Many children who come into foster care and those who have been in care repeatedly throughout their lives have special needs of one sort or another.  Some issues that these kiddos deal with include emotional challenges, behavioral issues, reactive attachment disorder, fetal alcohol syndrome; along with the more typical special needs you might think of such as autism, ADHD, Down syndrome, physical disabilities, etc.  Some of these issues are a result of the hard places these children have come from.  Coming into a caring and nurturing home can make a huge difference in these children’s hearts and lives.  But I won’t say that it’s always easy.  We have had to educate ourselves on trauma informed care techniques and adjust our parenting strategies.  Children from “hard places” as author Karyn Purvis calls them have brains that have been physically altered due to the trauma they have experienced and altered brain and body chemistry as a result.  The good news is there is hope.

I recently attended the CAFO (Christian Alliance for Orphans) conference in Chicago with my friend Kim.  The conference is an amazingly uplifting and encouraging experience for anyone who is concerned about the plight of vulnerable children in our world.  There were nearly 4000 people in attendance from over 30 countries.  Karyn Purvis, author of “The Connected Child” and amazing woman of God shared about strategies to help these children from hard places.  Karyn shared that we have a healing God who will equip us to help these children.  I was in tears during her presentation as she shared so many behaviors that we have struggled to help children overcome.  She helped me remember that these behaviors often come out of the trauma and neglect these children have experienced.  These behaviors must be viewed from that background and approached in a different manor than dealing with behavioral issues in children who have been raised in a nurturing and loving home.  God used Karyn’s words to help me realize I need to change my approach in parenting these kiddos from hard places.  I cannot parent in my usual drill sergeant kind of way.

My own biological children have a reservoir of love and attachment that we have built up over the years through meeting their needs and loving them throughout their lives; so when I expect them to listen and obey and do as I say they generally are able to do that.  They trust that I have their best interests at heart and they are invested in our family and desire to work together to accomplish our family goals.  Foster children that come into my home usually do not have this type of background.  They do not have a reservoir of love and attachment.  Even after they have stayed with us for a period of time they may not be invested into our family.  I have to adjust my expectations and my strategies for guiding them into making wise choices.  I have to take the time to make heart connections with them.  The trauma they experienced before they came to our home took place in the context of relationships; relationships with people who were supposed to love and care for them.  As a result it is hard for them to trust.  But Karyn shared that just as that trauma occurred in the context of relationship; healing will come slowly in that same context.

This summer I am going to gather with some other foster moms and learn about trauma informed care.  We will be studying a book by Karyn Purvis called “The Connected Child”.  I read this book at the beginning of our foster care journey, but before being in the trenches of foster care for several years I don’t think the principles rang true with me or impacted me as much as they will now. As I have starting reading this book again it has brought me new hope and encouragement in my role as a foster mom.

“There is hope!  If you’re ready to help your child not just behave but blossom and to empower the healing connections that will bring greater joy to our family, then this is the journey for you.  There is an undeniable truth that everyone who loves a child from hard places must remember: the past affects the future . . . but it does not have to determine it.  It is this foundational truth, and a steadfast faith in and dependence on the One who delights in redeeming and restoring the brokenness of this world, that we pray will sustain and offer you lasting hoping as you travel to the mountaintops and through the valleys of this journey.”  Excerpt from The Connected Child

I am excited to learn more about how to bring healing to hearts broken by trauma and neglect.  I am so thankful for resources like this and many others that are available to help us learn and grow.  I am also thankful for other Christian women to share the journey with.  After a very challenging day I can call one of those friends and share about my struggles and they truly can relate and offer encouragement.  Having other foster moms to talk with about the joys and challenges of this particular journey is a tremendous blessing.  Life is better when it’s shared.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:  If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.  But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them.”  Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Keeping Hope Alive

Throughout the years we have done much research and employed numerous biomedical therapies hand in hand with more traditional educational therapies in the hopes of bringing healing to Seth’s mind and body.  As we began our journey with autism following Seth’s diagnosis we found that there were many doctors and parents around the country and world embracing a new approach to deal with the medical issues that often are at the root of the behavioral characteristics seen in individuals with autism.  Currently we don’t have a medical test to diagnose autism, although most children with autism have underlying medical issues that contribute or cause their behaviors. 

Autism is diagnosed based on symptoms that are observed in an individual.  Autism spectrum disorders (ASD) are characterized by difficulties with social interaction, communication, and a tendency to engage in repetitive behaviors. . Severity of these symptoms varies greatly from individual to individual.  Many individuals with autism also have associated medical conditions including gastrointestinal disorders, seizure disorders, sleep dysfunction, sensory processing issues, pica (tendency to eat non food items), allergies and other autoimmune issues.

There are many doctors around the world who are seeking to treat these underlying medical conditions and in doing so see a marked improvement in the behavioral symptoms which characterize autism.  These doctors use a variety of treatments often called biomedical treatments to address these medical issues including nutritional therapy, supplementation therapy, detoxification, medication therapy, and other alternative health therapies such as hyperbaric oxygen therapy. 

There is often a very common story of infancy among children who develop autism.  Many times they have recurring infections (i.e. ear and respiratory) and are on multiple courses of antibiotics during their first 2 years of life.  Seth had recurring ear and upper respiratory infections and as a result took at least 9 courses of antibiotics in his first 18 months of life.  We later learned that Seth had a milk allergy which probably was the cause of these infections, along with his eczema and generally colickly disposition. 

Many children who are diagnosed with autism have chronic gastrointestinal issues including diarrhea and/or constipation and food allergies which often lead to leaky gut syndrome.  Many of these kiddos projectile vomit their formula or breast milk almost from birth.  Seth had chronic diarrhea during his infancy and would often have a raw, bleeding bottom which as so sad.  Seth was a major spitter upper which we were told was just a part of normal development (NOT!).  Seth had food allergies that went undiagnosed for over 2 years.  At Seth’s 6 month check-up Seth had actually lost weight since his 4 month check-up and the doctor thought I just wasn’t producing enough breast milk for him and told me to put him on formula.  Once we learned of his food allergies we realized that all his GI symptoms along with his eczema and colic were probably caused by eating foods that he was allergic to.  Eating these foods over a long period of time most likely contributed to his autism diagnosis and I believe made his autism more severe.  I have heard and read similar stories over and over and over again in the autism community.

I share all this only to highlight the serious medical issues that many children with autism struggle with.  Educational and behavioral therapies are needed to help children learn and grow but if we do not also address the underlying medical issues their learning will be greatly hampered.  It’s hard to focus and learn when you feel terrible.  As a result of all we’ve learned about the underlying medical issues associated with autism and seeing the many medical issues that our own son struggles with we have pursued many of these biomedical therapies.  Throughout the past 10 years we have worked with 4 biomedical doctors in 4 different states to address these issues.

Some of you that know Seth well may question why we continue on this course.  Seth is still severely affected by autism.  Seth has been described by several of the biomedical doctors that we’ve worked with as an “under-responder”.  Seth has made slow progress with many of the interventions we have put into place but has not made the huge gains that we had hoped or that many other children have made.  I know children who have lost their autism diagnosis due to a combination of educational, behavior and biomedical therapies.  It is possible.  This is what keeps my going; keeps me looking for the next treatment that could help Seth. 

Even if Seth never loses his autism diagnosis I firmly believe that the many treatments we have put into place have improved his life greatly.  I’m not sure that he would still be living in our home at age 12 had we not done all that we’ve done.  He may have become so aggressive and difficult to handle that for safety reasons we may have had to place him in a residential setting by this point without the biomedical, educational, and behavioral therapies that we have done with him.

I continue to do research and learn of new treatments that are showing great hope in bringing healing to the underlying medical issues which result in improvements in the behaviors which characterize autism.  There have been seasons when I need a break from the intensive research and work which is required in pursuing these treatments.  We are now in 10^th year of fighting autism and sometimes I get tired; actually sometimes I’m just flat out dog tired exhausted.  At times we have pulled back, keeping his gluten free/casein free diet and basic supplementation in place and taken a breather on pursuing new treatments.  And then there are times when God puts renewed energy and passion into my heart and mind and we refocus and seek new treatments.  We have just come off of a 2 year break and God is leading us back into the battle.

I love my son with a depth of love that I didn’t know I possessed and I will continue to seek new means of bringing healing to his mind and body for as long as the Lord gives me strength and guidance to continue.  I am so thankful for God’s deep love for me and when I think that God loves us all exponentially more than I love Seth I am overwhelmed.  That love is beyond my understanding.  I’m learning to trust God more and more each day as I learn about the depth of His love for me.  God has used my journey to parent my son with autism to teach me so much about myself and about God’s and His love and provision.  I cling to a scripture that the Lord gave to me several years ago as I continue to seek healing for Seth.

This is what the Lord says:  “Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, for your work will be rewarded,” declares the Lord.  “They will return from the land of the enemy.  So there is hope for your future,” declares the Lord.  “Your children will return to their own land.”  Jeremiah 31:16-17

I believe in a God who desires to bring healing and hope to His people and I pray that He will guide and direct as we continue in this journey.  And I pray daily for God’s supernatural healing work in Seth’s life!!

God Sets the Lonely in Families

Our journey into foster care was an interesting one.  Many of our friends and family told us that they were not sure this was a great idea, or they said as much without actually speaking it outright.  Seth was 8 years old when we began our foster care journey and caring for him was and continues to be rather involved.  But we felt strongly that God had told us to do this and when we shared that with family and friends who had reservations that pretty much stopped any further negativity.  Some friends who I sensed had reservations were still very supportive for which we were thankful.

In Iowa the licensing process takes about 6 months.  You begin by going to the local jail and having your finger prints scanned – oh the joys of modern technology, no ink on your fingers for fingerprinting.  After your criminal background check clears you are given the go ahead to begin the training class which is a 10 week course which meets once a week, 3 hours each meeting.  Each week you have reading to do to prepare for the coming week.  All this can seem overwhelming at first, but if you just take it week by week it is manageable.  Toward the middle of the class your licensing working starts working on your home study.  They visit your home; ask you to fill out more paperwork; and interview your family.  You finish up the class; your licensing worker processes the home study paperwork; your license comes in the mail and then you start receiving calls for placements.  Or sometimes, as was the case for us you get a call for placements before the license comes in the mail.

Part of the paperwork you fill out indicates the type of child you feel equipped to foster.  You can indicate what gender, what ages, and what issues you feel equipped to handle (i.e. physical, mental, and behavioral).  In the beginning we said we wanted to foster girls who were 8 years old or younger and we were open to moderate special needs.  We have since increased the age as Seth has gotten older and we have let go of our gender preference and have had both boys and girls placed in our home.  We recently filled out our renewal paperwork and said we are willing to take children birth to 12, girls or boys with moderate special needs.

After you make it through this process you wait for the call.  In Iowa our matching agency is called Iowa Kids Net.  They place kiddos with foster families.  There is a database that helps them to match children with families who might be able to take them in.  When the call comes you can ask questions and they will give as many answers as they have and then you as a family can decide if the placement is right for your family.  It is always exciting for me to receive a call for a new placement.  We can’t always say yes to take every child that we get a call for; but I am always excited when the phone rings.  I think this a God-given excitement to see who He wants us to love on next.

Maybe you’re asking why we would want to add more stress to our lives?  You may be thinking that welcoming foster children into our home could negatively affect our own children.  You may wonder why we would want to make the sacrifices necessary to care for children in addition to the three God already gave us.  Here’s a glimpse into some of the reasons why we chose to do this.

Foster care facts:

• There are 400,000 in foster care in the US.
• There are over 100,000 children waiting in foster for a forever family.
• Average age of child waiting for a forever family is 7.8 years.
• 20 % of children waiting for a forever family will wait 5 or more years.
• 40-50% of children in foster care will never finish high school.
• Almost 24,000 children will age out of foster care this year.
• 25% of those who age out will become homeless.
• 50% of those who age out will be jailed within 2 years.
• 80% of the current prison population was once in foster.
• Girls in foster care are 600% more likely than the general population to become pregnant before the age of 21.
• An estimated 70% of child trafficking victims in the US are foster youth.

These facts are sobering.  These facts could make us lose hope.  These facts make me want to encourage more and more of my friends and family to join in caring for these vulnerable children.  There is such a great need for loving, stable families to open their homes and impact these children and as a result impact our communities and our country.  These children come from families that usually have generational histories of challenge and sorrow.  Many have never seen how a healthy family functions.  If these children are not cared for the impact on our culture and the breakdown of the family will only get worse and worse.

But even more important than the facts laid out here there is also a consistent theme throughout God’s word calling us to care for vulnerable people including the fatherless, the widow and the foreigner.  God’s heart is for these “least of these”.

“He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing.”  Deuteronomy 10:18

“But you, God, see the trouble of the afflicted; you consider their grief and take it in hand.  The victims commit themselves to you; you are the helper of the fatherless.”  Psalm 10:14

“Sing to God, sing in praise of his name, extol him who rides on the clouds; rejoice before him – his name is the Lord.  A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.  God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing.”  Psalm 68:4-6a

“Learn to do right; seek justice.  Defend the oppressed.  Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.”  Isaiah 1:17

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’”  Matthew 25:40

 

 

Compelled by Love

As I shared in a recent post God has been wrecking our lives and realigning our paradigm of what living for Him looks like.  The things I once dreamt of having in my life no longer seem all that important.  I still fight against the desires to have the big, beautiful house; the killer wardrobe, the sparkly new car (that is not a minivan); the perfect little family with kiddos in all the right activities who never have meltdowns . . .  None of those things in and of themselves are bad but my heart was set on that perfect little American dream for far too long with little focus on the things of God’s kingdom.  Ultimately my desire for all these things is rooted in wanting others to think well of me, wanting the approval and acceptance of others.  If I am truly seeking to align my life with God heart and his Word I should be seeking only His approval.

“Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?  Or am I trying to please people?  If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”  Galatians 1:10

I am so grateful that God is changing me.  The journey to realign my life toward His heart and His kingdom purposes has been challenging and yet so exciting and fulfilling.  And honestly life is a lot easier when I focus on pleasing my Lord and Savior, much easier than working for the acceptance of others.  God’s grace and compassion is never ending; no matter how many times I fail Him, He forgives me and welcomes me back with open arms.

Part of the realignment in our life was our journey into foster care.  About 6 years ago I began feeling the tug to become a foster family.  When I first brought this up to my sweet hubby he looked at me like I had grown a second head and simply shut me down.  We had and continue to have a lot on our plates with our own kids and he was not ready to think about taking on more.  Part of me wishes that could have been the end of it – life would be easier had it been.  But God continued to press my heart about needy kids in our area and I kept praying.  During this time Mike and I were the missions class Perspectives and were leading a Sunday school class using the book from Francis Chan called “Crazy Love.”  All of this material was extremely challenging for us.  We began to feel that our lives were pretty easy when you take the whole world into consideration.  When we shared that thought with friends and family they looked at us like we had two headsJ.

About 5 1/2 years ago on Orphan Sunday in November our friend John Christen share his heart for vulnerable children as he does so beautifully.  Along with statistics about the many millions of orphans needing families internationally, that day John also shared about the number of kids in foster care in the US.  My husband and I were struck by those numbers – 400,000 children in foster care in the US, 100,000 children whose parental rights have been terminated and are waiting for a forever family, 10,000 children in foster care in our state alone.  John shared that he had been in contact with local foster care professionals and they had expressed that there was a great need in our community for more foster families.  After hearing all this info and being moved by the Spirit of God, my sweet husband who had been dead set against this idea, turned to me on our drive home from church and asked what we needed to do to become foster parents.  We were at an informational meeting within weeks, started the training class just 2 months later, and were licensed 9 months later.

As we went through the 10 week training class we routinely turned to each other on the drive home and asked, “what in the world are we doing?”  The scenarios the trainers and materials placed before us were very overwhelming and we felt we might be in over our heads.  But God kept pushing us forward and encouraging our spirits.  We kept reminding ourselves that underneath all the issues that may come up welcoming foster children into our home, ultimately they are kids just like ours that deserve a loving home.  Before we even received our license in the mail we got our first call and took our first placements.  I layed in bed the night they arrived after we got all 5 kiddos now in our care settled down for the night and just kept thinking, “what have we done, what have we done.?”

As you welcome new children into your home the first few weeks just feel like you’re doing a long term stink of childcare (something I swore I would never do, and yet have done for another foster mom who needed a caregiver for a few months, when will I learn to stop saying I’ll never do things?)  After a few weeks you start to adjust to the new normal and feel a bit like you’re actually their parent, because for the time they are in your home you need to function in that role.  Gradually they come to understand the rhythms of this new home they are living in and rules of that home, sometimes more gradually than others.  Our home is quite structured due to Seth’s autism as this just makes life easier for him and us and I believe our foster children have greatly benefited from that structure, finding comfort in knowing things will be similar each day and that they will know ahead of time when there will be changes or special events.

In many ways I feel God eased us into foster care.  Our first placements were adorable sisters who still hold a precious place in our hearts.  The issues that brought them into care were fairly mild and after about 6 months they were reunited with birth family and have remained “at home” for over 3 years.  We do our best to keep in touch with all the kiddos that have been in our home.  A few months ago we had these sisters over for a playdate.  They are growing up very quickly and are doing well.  We have had 8 kiddos in home over the past 4 years.  Some have been quite a challenge; but all have stole a piece of our hearts and challenged us to love with the love of Christ with our whole selves.  God is growing our hearts bigger than we ever imagined they could grow and stretching our perseverance and patience.  We are ultimately compelled by the love Christ showed us in giving his own life for us to in turn love others and lead them to this great love.

“For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died.  And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.”  2 Corinthians 5:14-15

Hyperbaric Happenings

Many friends and family have asked what the hyperbaric chamber is like, so today I’m writing a photo blog and sharing some snap shots from our journey thus far.

Seth and I standing in front of the chamber.  We actually “dive” in the chamber in the back of the room but they are identical.  There are 3 little “porthole” type windows which give some natural light and help to keep you from feeling too claustrophobic.  The chambers are longer than this picture depicts, I think the angle the photo is taken at makes them look shorted.The room is painted with bright colors and fun graphics.  A local art student did the painting.

Seth is sitting at the door of the chamber after our session finished up.  He can easily climb in and out; it’s a bit more challenging for me to fold my taller body in half and climb in but we make it work.  So far my back and neck are feeling okay; PTL!  I would appreciate prayers that they do not flare up during this month.  This would be a major answer to prayer as it is quite abnormal for me to go a whole month without a flare.

Seth sitting in the chamber during a treatment.  It is more spacious than this photo depicts.  We can sit at opposite ends and our legs overlap just a little if our legs are straightened.

Seth took this picture which explains why it is blurry, but it gives you a little more of an idea of the space in the chamber.  I can sit up straight easily with my back against the door after we are shut in.  I know some of you may feel quite nervous thinking about being closed in this bullet shaped tube, but it’s really not that bad.  I’ll do anything for my boy:)

The chamber is wide enough that Seth and I can snuggle during the session.  One day I took a nice rest during the afternoon session following a night of little sleep at the hotel.  I’m not much of napper, so usually I read, play with Seth or play on my phone.  Yes my phone even works in the chamber – I’ve made and received calls while in the chamber and the clinic has free wifi so both Seth and I have internet access during the treatments.  Technology is amazing!

We can have an overhead light on in the chamber during the sessions but it heats up the already warm chamber quite a bit so usually we keep it off.  As a result it’s a bit dim in the chamber, but Seth’s iPad gives off a nice glow:)  He plays on his iPad and watches movies on portable DVD players they have available at the clinic a lot during our sessions.  I’m trying not to think about how much screen time he’s getting this month.  The focus while we’re in the chamber is to keep him calm and happy.

The hyperbaric center is decorated very cutely.  This center was built by an amazing mom, Shannon, who saw wonderful results in her daughter’s life from hyperbaric treatments.  But they had to travel to Florida to receive those treatments.  Shannon found investors and with the help of her dad, Dave, who had worked in construction for years, they built the center to offer a hyperbaric center in the Midwest.  Her dad, Papa Dave now helps run the clinic and is the main hyperbaric tech.  Grace, the little girl who’s life was saved by hyperbaric still comes for treatment every afternoon.  For more of their story visit http://www.wisconsinhyperbarics.com/.

Our time here so far has been such a blessing.  The staff at the hyperbaric center and the therapy center where Seth is receiving speech and music therapy have been so welcoming and kind.  The speech therapists have almost instantly connected with Seth and are helping him to communicate more fully already through changing up his communication app a bit to make fuller communication a little easier for him.  It’s exciting to see him be able to communicate more.  I am hopeful that our time here with prove fruitful in improving Seth’s life.

“I am still confident of this:  I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”  Psalm 27:13-14

Ignorant Bliss – Wrecked

I have been wrestling lately with what I am investing my life into.  Am I living in the middle of God’s will for my life and for the life of my family?  Are we following God whole-heartedly and sacrificially?  Are we truly laying down our lives for the Gospel?  I fear the ultimate answer to these questions is no.

My husband and I have had a major paradigm shift in our life over the past 5-7 years.  A number of experiences have moved us away from our focus on living the American dream toward an attempt to live in a more Gospel centered way.  We have come to question so much of what our culture values, even what our American Christian culture values.

The beginning of this shift included God’s placement of two friends in our lives who began challenging us in our thinking about the world around us; about the vast needs of the world, about God’s command throughout His Word to care for the less fortunate.  God started to move our hearts toward making a drastic change in our lives with a focus toward caring for those in need.

Next we read Francis Chan’s book “Crazy Love”. Francis challenges our cultural thinking of the American dream as being utter foolishness. He points to Luke 12:16-19 as a representation of the thinking of many of us as Americans.

“The ground of a certain rich many produced a good crop. He thought to himself ‘What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.’ Then he said, ‘This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and goods.’ And I’ll say to myself, ‘You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.'”

We were very struck by what an accurate representation of the American dream this passage detailed. We were more struck by what the next verse had to say – “But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?”  We began questioning what we were living our lives for.  This and several other challenging concepts in “Crazy Love” began to wreck our ignorant bliss.

Then we took “Perspectives on the World Christian Movement”, a missions discipleship class that has completely revolutionized our thinking.  We are currently in the process of coordinating this class in our community and are excited to see others learn and become passionate about God’s heart for the nations.  This class continues to wreck our lives, challenges our comfortable living in light of a truly lost and dying world.  We are faced with the thousands of people groups around the world who have no opportunity to hear of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

As a response to these changes in our thinking we became foster parents and have been walking that unique, challenging and rewarding journey for almost four years.  We have made drastic changes in our approach to parenting and do our best to keep the needs of the lost world before our kids.  I feel we are in a constant battle to keep ourselves and our kids focused on eternity.  We have third world Thursdays at our house.  Most Thursdays we eat rice and beans for dinner and talk about unreached and impoverished people around the world.  We took Bella on her first mission trip 2 years ago and she is excited to return to Honduras again this summer and is considering mission work as a possibility for her future.  We are talking with Luke about his first mission trip and preparing him for that eventuality.

There have been major changes in our life, but as we are going through the Perspectives class now for the 4th time I am feeling an unrest in my spirit.  I feel God calling us to more.  I don’t know what this more looks like.  I become frustrated with the first world problems that so often rule our lives.  I can so easily get tied up in these problems and concerns.  Problems such as my cell phone or computer not working, my house being messy and disorganized because I have way too much stuff, or my kids not having the best of the best of opportunities.  Concerns about what others think of me, not having the latest and greatest of clothes, gadgets, cars, houses . . .  I get frustrated with myself for spending time and energy on these worldly concerns.

I long for the ignorant bliss of my youth when I wrongly thought I had life all figured out.  I’ve heard it said that “once you know better, you do better.”  But I am wrestling with what doing better looks like.  Recently the Lord has cleared my plate of a couple big commitments in my life and I am questioning what He has next for me.  I see now that part of His plan in freeing me up was to allow me to take Seth away for a month of intensive therapies.  During this time I am seeking the Lord for His guidance in my life.  I have been praying the words of Proverbs 2:1-6

“My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.”

I pray for a heart that desires to accept God’s words, store up His commands; turn my ear to wisdom and my heart to understanding.  I pray I will be a woman who calls out to the Lord for insight and understanding rather than relying on my own understanding.  I pray for the desire to seek God’s wisdom in my life as if it is a precious and valuable treasure.  I believe that in seeking God’s wisdom and insight with all my heart He will show me what doing better looks like; what His plan is for my life in this next season.

Always Been Faithful

Today Seth and I started into a month long journey of intensive treatments in Madison, Wisconsin.  The primary treatment Seth will be receiving is hyperbaric oxygen therapy along with speech and music therapy.  Hyperbaric oxygen therapy (HBOT) involves breathing pure oxygen in a pressurized chamber.  HBOT is a well-established therapy for decompression sickness (a hazard of scuba diving), non-healing wounds, carbon monoxide poisoning and serious infections.  Emerging research is showing the effectiveness of HBOT in treating cerebral palsy, multiple sclerosis, inflammatory conditions, diabetes, migraines, Parkinson’s, stroke & autism.

Studies have shown the benefits of HBOT in autism through improvements in the following areas:

• Receptive/Expressive Language
• Sleep Patterns
• Attention Span and Alertness
• Gastrointestinal Issues
• Social Skills
• Eye Contact
• Decreases Inflammation
• & More

The International Hyperbarics Association reported the following:

“In 2009, a multi-center, randomized, controlled, double-blind trial was published, investigating the introduction of HBOT with 56 children diagnosed with autism.  The study consisted of six separate HBOT centers that treated 30 children with 40 one hour sessions over the course of four weeks:  whereas the remaining 26 children underwent sham treatment (as part of a control group).  Upon completion of this study, 80 percent of the treatment group’s mean physician Clinical Global Impression (CGI) scores for overall functioning, receptive language, social interaction and eye contact significantly improved.  Major improvements within the Aberrant Behavior Checklist (ABC) were observed in irritability, stereotypy, hyperactivity and speech.  Finally, the treated children’s ratings on the Autism Treatment Evaluation Checklist (ATEC) with respect to sensory/cognitive, awareness, exemplified substantial improvement.  Hyperbaric treatment was confirmed safe and well tolerated by the children and their parents in both the treatment and control groups.”

Five years ago Seth underwent his first round of HBOT treatment.  Following that round of treatment we saw a considerable improvement in Seth’s social skills.  Seth become bonded with our family for the first time in his life and began making more meaningful connections with others in his life.  Additionally we saw an increase in his receptive language skills, an acceleration of learning in his in-home therapy program, new progress with speech and occupational therapy goals, and improvement in his video gaming skills (perhaps not something we were hoping for, but very age appropriate for a young boy).  Our initial hopes were high that the first round of treatments would bring verbal language.  Although it was initially a disappointment that Seth did not make the huge gains we had hoped for; we came to realize that the benefits we did see from HBOT were real and life impacting for Seth.

After seeing the benefits of the first round of treatments we had desired to do another round but life just got in the way.  Only a month ago I was talking with a new friend who grew up in the general area where we went for his first round of treatments out in North Carolina.  She asked me to explain HBOT and then asked if we felt like it helped Seth.  I shared that indeed we did feel that it helped him and that we would like to do another round at some point.  She paused and looked me squarely in the eye and said, “Well I think you need to do that again.”  The way in which she spoke those words to me made me pause and think for a moment about how that could happen.  The next morning we received a letter in the mail from a hyperbaric clinic in Madison, Wisconsin which told us about a special grant the clinic had received that drastically reduced the cost of treatments during the month of May.

I had contacted this clinic following our first round of treatments in North Carolina to inquire about doing more treatments, but cost and the busyness of life prevented us from going further.  I had not received anything in the mail from this clinic for at least a year.  I felt that the words of this friend; paired with the letter from the clinic was a very clear directive from the Lord.  God doesn’t often reveal His plan to me this clearly.  I’m not sure why I am shocked when He does clearly speak to us.  His word tells us that He will answer when we call upon His name:

“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”  Jeremiah 33:3

“For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”  Matthew 7:8

But honestly I had not been asking of the Lord on Seth’s behalf much lately which makes this guidance from the Lord all the sweeter.  After years of intensive therapies and intensive prayers for healing for my precious boy I have come to a place of acceptance of Seth’s challenges.  With some new callings on our lives to care for other needy children through foster care I had started to wonder if God was asking me to lay aside my pursuit of healing for Seth and focus on the needs of others.  It brings tears to my eyes right now that my Lord so kindly put this opportunity in our path and opened all the necessary doors for it to come together.  He knew that in the depth of my heart I still want a greater level of healing for Seth.

“So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask Him.”  Matthew 7:11

Our Lord is so faithful to us; faithful to give us the desires of our heart even when they go unexpressed; faithful to provide for our needs; faithful to carry us through challenges and trials; faithful.  This past week I had the privilege of attending an amazing conference about caring for vulnerable children.  One of my favorite musicians spoke and sang at this conference and blessed me so deeply.  A song that she shared in the final general session has been stuck in my ear ever since.  It speaks of God’s great faithfulness to us.

“He’s Always Been Faithful”
By Sara Groves

Great is thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me,
Morning by morning I wake up to find
The power and comfort of God’s hand in mine
Season by season I watch Him, amazed
In awe of the mystery of His perfect ways
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful to me

I can’t remember a trial or a pain
He did not recycle to bring me gain
I can’t remember one single regret
In serving God only, and trusting His hand
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful to me

This is my anthem, this is my song
The theme of the stories I’ve heard for so long
God has been faithful, He will be again
His loving compassion, it knows no end
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful,
He’s always been faithful
He’s always been faithful to me

Here’s a link so you can listen and be encouraged by Sara’s song –
http://youtu.be/lhaUFYi1iks

I am so thankful for God’s faithfulness to me and to our family.  He has shown His faithfulness over and over in Seth’s life.  He has provided the help we have needed throughout our journey with autism and I know He will continue.  He guided us to take this new journey and we are praying that this course of treatments will bring Seth to a new level of healing.

Autism Snapshot

As Autism Awareness month comes to a close I wanted to take some time to raise awareness by sharing more about autism and what autism looks like in Seth’s life.  Autism is a developmental disorder that appears in the first 3 years of life.  Autism is also considered a physical condition linked to abnormal biology and chemistry in the brain.  The causes of autism are thought to be a combination of genetic and environmental factors.  Individuals with autism struggle in many areas including social skills, communication, sensory integration, repetitive behaviors, and often have digestive issues.  Below is a snapshot in words of how Seth is affected in each of these areas.  This is what autism looks like in our life. 

Seth has dealt with and continues to face challenges in each of these areas.  In the area of social skills, Seth has difficulty making appropriate eye contact and greeting others.  Hellos and goodbyes are most often still prompted by parents, siblings, teachers or therapists.  Seth often responds inappropriately in social situations and seems to mix up his emotions.  He will often laugh when in a serious situation, and think it is hilarious when others in his class misbehave (this may be common behavior for some 4^th grade boys, but still is socially inappropriate). 

Seth often engages in repetitive behaviors including rocking, turning lights off and on, and vocal stims (short for self-stimmulatory behaviors).  Seth’s vocal stims are high pitched sounds that I imagine are similar to the sounds once made by pterodactyl dinosaurs.  As a result we often call Seth “pterodactyl” boy.  Seth engages in self injurious behaviors at times including head banging and teeth grinding.  Seth had a bruise on his forehead for several years due to the intensity of his head banging.  This was a difficult thing to deal with.  He would often go to bang his head on the floor and I would reach down to quickly grab his shoulder or arm to attempt to prevent him from hurting himself which led to a repetitive use injury in my own shoulder.

In recent months Seth’s head banging has decreased and he has replaced this with pounding his hand on any hard surface that is available to him.  Recently the surface he chose was a window in our back door which broke as he was pounding on it.  Thankfully he only had a small cut on his hand as a result.  We think his guardian angel was definitely working overtime that day. 

Seth’s greatest challenge is in the area of communication.  After ten years of intensive therapy Seth is still nonverbal.  The only sound he can consistently make is “ma-ma”, and only when this is modeled for him.  Seth has an IPad with a special communication app with which he can communicate and he also knows quite a lot of sign language.  But ultimately Seth has little desire to communicate independently; if he is forced to communicate to get what he wants he will, but he would prefer that everyone just read his mind and give him what he wants.

Seth has struggled in the area of sensory integration with challenges including sensitivity to bright lights, distress at changes in clothing, low response to pain, and a desire for deep pressure.  Until about two years ago Seth had a strong aversion to large “box” stores such as Wal-mart or Target.  When we would pull into the parking lot of such a store Seth would start crying.  We think that Seth was overwhelmed by the bright florescent lights and the large numbers of people in such stores.  Thankfully, Seth is dealing with shopping much better now and enjoys pushing a shopping cart through the store with me.  When the seasons change Seth is often distressed by the changes in clothing.  When putting a short sleeve shirt on after months of wearing long sleeve shirts he pulls at his sleeves, trying to make them longer. 

Seth has a crazy high pain tolerance.  On two different occasions Seth had abscessed teeth that we were unaware of until his cheeks started swelling and even with an advanced infection indicated by a swollen cheek which led to surgery to remove teeth later in the day, Seth ate crunchy dry cereal without flinching.  His high pain tolerance makes it difficult to know when he is sick; this is often a guessing game for us.  We are very thankful for friendly school nurses and a wonderful pediatrician who are willing to check him out whenever we are concerned about his health.  Seth enjoys touch but prefers deep pressure touch, not light touch.  He likes to be squashed, rolled up in a weighted blanket and getting firm taps on his head.  I am thankful that Seth does not have an aversion to all touch as some individuals with autism do.  Seth loves snuggles and squeezes, but he can often be physically aggressive without really trying to, which has led to many bruises among our family members.

Seth has also struggled with many digestive issues.  As an infant Seth had chronic eczema, fluid in his ears and diarrhea.  He was severely colicky until the age of 2 ½, and never slept for more than 3 hours at a stretch.  The only way he would sleep was on his stomach with his knees pulled up under his little body.  Seth lost weight between his 4 and 6 month well-baby appointments.  We later learned that all these symptoms were due to food allergies Seth was struggling with. 

This is a snapshot of how Seth is affected by autism.  Every individual with autism is affected uniquely but as I meet other people with autism and other autism moms I find many similarities.  Some with autism can speak very well but tend to perseverate on a narrow number of topics.  Some have speech but their speech is limited.  Often sensory issues are expressed in very unique and individual ways.  Many with autism have issues around eating and struggle to eat a varied diet due to sensory issues surrounding. 

At the time of Seth’s diagnosis in 2004 1 in 166 children were being diagnosed with autism.  Ten years later 1 in 68 children have autism.  The incidence of autism has been increasing steadily through the years.  The rising numbers of autism are very troubling. 

Here are a few other autism facts: 

• Approximately 1.5 million Americans live with an autism spectrum disorder.
• The estimated annual cost of caring for the 1.5 million Americans living with autism is $60 billion. 
• In 10 years, the annual cost is predicted to balloon to $200-$400 billion. 
• Approximately 40% of individuals with autism are nonverbal. 
• Only 56% of students with autism finish high school. 
• Autism is the fastest growing developmental disability in the U.S.
• Lifetime care for an individual with autism is estimated at $3.2 million. 

I hope this autism snapshot has given you a better understanding of autism and some of the day to day challenges of autism.