Ten years into our journey with autism I have come to see the beauty in Seth’s life and his struggle with autism Seth has a pure love of activities simply because he loves them, not because someone else thinks it’s cool or a TV commercial tells him to love it. Seth loves legos and building all manner of structures and roadways, streets complete with stoplights built just to the right proportion for matchbox cars. Seth loves numbers and letters and sequences of number and letters. Seth loves white boards and drawing intricate drawings of buildings and roadways. Are you seeing a theme here? We often joke that Seth is destined to be an architect.
I’ve learned to appreciate some aspects of Seth’s desire for routine and sameness. Seth is my only child that doesn’t dump his shoes and backpack on the floor right in front of the back. He happily puts his coat and backpack on their appropriate hooks and his shoes in their basket. My other kids have to be reminded often of where their things belong and that blocking a major path of traffic through the house is not okay. I don’t have to remind Seth of this, he appreciates the organization systems this wanna-be organized mom tries to set up. I love that!
Even with the relational challenges Seth has he seems to have an innate ability to judge people’s character. He gravitates toward people who are caring and compassionate and will give people he hasn’t seen in a while a sneaky smile and the occasional unsolicited hug. He quickly endears himself to others with his adorable smile and his joking nature. He loves to tell jokes on his communication device and often does sneaky things as a joke to make people laugh or sometimes to just drive his older siblings crazy, just like a typical little brother. Recently Luke was complaining that Seth was annoying him in some way when Bella spoke up and shared how Luke had told her it is a little brother’s duty to drive an older sibling crazy. We had a good laugh at the irony of that – don’t dish out what you can’t take, right?
Seth’s autism has given me a deeper glimpse into the love of God for us. I love all my kids but God has given me a special love for Seth. That love is not based on anything he does to earn that love. Seth’s behaviors are often odd and difficult to understand. His attempts to communicate are garbled at best and yet I love him with a love that I can’t quite explain. I just love to sit with him and cuddle. I love his cute dimple, just one on his right cheek, when he smiles and I love his giggle. I am wrecked when he cries, it just breaks my heart.
In many ways we are all autistic spiritually. We have a very hard time communicating with God. We have a hard time understanding and following his instructions in our lives and yet He loves us completely and unconditionally. He adopts us as his own and covers our lives with grace and mercy. To think that God loves me so much more than I love Seth is overwhelming because my love for Seth is almost all-consuming.
“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known.” 1 John 3:1-2
The final phrase in this passage is so encouraging to me. What God has for us is so much more than we can know or imagine. Beyond the physical healing that will come in the presence of God in heaven I am overwhelmed by the spiritual healing that will occur. We will be free of the sin, fear, insecurity, shame, sorrow, regret, anger . . . that so often plague our lives. The complete joy of living for all eternity free of sin and pain and in the full knowledge of our secure position in Christ Jesus is an amazing thought that brings a smile to my face. After our time here on earth we will be healed of our spiritual autism and we will be freed to fellowship perfectly with our Father and Creator in heaven. What an amazing day that will be!
living in exile 